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December 8, 2014 - Feeling Unsafe

Dear Sexi Sami,

Hi, I have been out to my self and friends for a couple of years now and I have come to join the GLBTQ community. Recently however I have been worried about my sexual health. I used to want sex all the time but now I do not. Is something wrong with me? I prefer masturbation over actual sex. When I tell people this I usually get offered things that I do not want. Recently I was also given a drug that made me pass out. I was unaware of it until after I woke up in a different location, never finding out who spiked my drink. I don't feel safe in the GLBTQ community no more. Also, I feel that everywhere I turn around, there is something mischievous happening. What should I do?

Signed, Mr. Feeling Unsafe

Dear Mr. Feeling Unsafe,

Sexi Sami thanks you for feeling trusting enough to reach out. It’s clear you have had a lot happen recently that would cause anyone to feel unsafe. It makes sense that masturbation may feel like the only way to have sexual pleasure when you have had experiences that have violated your feelings of trust and safety. Not knowing who spiked your drink and what happened to you while you were unconscious would make anyone very hesitant to socialize. It is crucial that you feel safe to eat/drink/hangout with other people without fear of being taken advantage of or having your boundaries disrespected. What happened to you is not your fault and is not okay.

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Further Reading and External Links

POZ magazine (magazine for people living with HIV and their allies/ families)
Gay/ Bi men's sexual health info
Penis Health (Mayo clinic)
Health Issues for Gay Men (more Mayo clinic)
Sexual Health for Lesbian and Bisexual Women
Vagina Health
Great drawing & discussion Video explaining the vulva!
Polyamory examining the myths and facts
Women Lovin': A queer women's sexual health guide (free pdf)
How To Get Over Your First (Gay) Breakup: 5 Important Tips
AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network)
Good Vibrations - Toy Care
My Pleasure - Sex Toy Guide
Your First Time: A Sexual Guide for Trans Men